5 Principles to Promote Parent and School Partnerships

By Dr. Barrett Mosbacker

January 27, 2018

This is part one of a two-part series on promoting effective parent and school partnerships. Part two focuses on seven high-touch communication strategies.

During new parent orientation, I ask parents to pray for us because we need the wisdom of Solomon in making good decisions. As I tell them, “We only deal with people’s children, money, and religion — what could possibly go wrong?”

This lighthearted acknowledgment elicits hearty laughter, creates a relaxed atmosphere, and conveys an important truth. As school leaders, we deal with three of the most important things in parents’ lives — their children, their religion, and their money. And depending on what is going on around us and what might be said in a classroom, we can add politics to the mix.

Indeed, things do go wrong — or are perceived to have gone wrong. Either way, too often parents, teachers, and administrators find themselves at odds and engaged in conflict. My purpose in this article is not to address the reasons for those tensions, which are many. Instead, I will focus on practical things we can do to promote positive partnerships with parents.

Benjamin Franklin said that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” That axiom holds for most things in life, and it is certainly true when it comes to fostering positive relationships with parents. A great deal of pain and frustration can be avoided if we make time to prevent tension from building in the first place. Here are six practical suggestions for doing just that.

1. Be Authentic and Engaging with Parents

Healthy relationships take work. This is no less true in a school than in a marriage. One of the most effective ways to foster positive relationships and partnership with parents is to relax, let down your guard — not your prudence — and be authentic and engaging. Drop any pretense. Do not be self-focused or self-serving. Be genuine, warm, and friendly — even when you do not feel like it. John Calvin put it simply: “We are to be easy-going and friendly, even finding pleasure in being able to help and assist those who require our aid.”

Focus on getting to know parents and being a blessing — a source of encouragement, engagement, and enjoyment. A hearty handshake, a pat on the back, a smile, well-timed humor, and a kind word go a long way toward fostering congenial relationships and laying the foundation for genuine partnership. Remember, parents are people before they are parents. Treat each one as a person made in God’s image.

2. Engage the Expertise and Passion of Parents

Invite parents to share their expertise in developing new programs and formulating school policies. An effective and well-received way to engage and partner with parents is to invite them to participate in ad hoc committees or task forces, or to provide leadership for specific initiatives or programs. The possibilities are nearly endless, ranging from reviewing the dress code to developing a STEM program. Parents are far more likely to embrace the school and engage with it when they have an active voice in developing substantive programs, rather than their involvement being limited to parent-run service organizations such as the PTF.

3. Establish Expectations Early

Unrealized expectations are often the source of conflict. We contribute to this when we oversell parents or fail to be clear about the commitments we are making to them and what we are asking in return. During parent orientation, make it a practice to outline our commitments to parents and what we expect of them in turn. Following the Matthew 18 principle for addressing concerns is one of those expectations. I explain how the principle works out in practice, weaving in humor and illustrations. We also enforce the principle when concerns arise. Over time — and it does take time — the Matthew 18 principle becomes enculturated in the fabric of school life.

4. Do Not Confuse Policy with Principle

Sometimes teachers and administrators create unnecessary friction by becoming so focused on consistently enforcing a policy that they forget why the policy exists in the first place. School policy is designed to promote the school’s mission by providing a framework to guide — not dictate — how we interact with one another. While equity and consistency are important, policies should never become a straitjacket. In the final analysis, we are striving to transform lives. Sometimes strict adherence to a particular rule is contrary to that goal. Being wise and flexible in determining whether and how a policy applies to a particular situation goes a long way toward fostering understanding, positive relationships, strong partnerships, and ultimately lives transformed by both grace and truth.

5. Maintain Alligator Skin but a Tender Heart

Nearly always when a parent attacks, it is not personal. Do not take it personally, and never become cynical. As servants of Christ, we must maintain a tender heart toward everyone while developing alligator skin thick enough that inevitable criticism does not discourage us from filling the roles to which God has called us.

Too often the idea of the school-home partnership is just that — an idea, an ideal. Too often we find ourselves operating in an adversarial relationship with parents rather than in a healthy partnership. It is time to let down our guard and pursue our parents. Part two outlines seven high-touch communication strategies that will help us do just that.