Seven High-Touch Communication Strategies
By Dr. Barrett Mosbacker
January 27, 2018
Good communication fosters confidence, trust, and positive relationships. Poor communication does the opposite. Promoting a positive partnership with parents is ultimately not about the programs we put in place, though those are valuable. It is about fostering positive relationships. Such relationships are best nourished by consistently and warmly engaging with parents. When strong relationships are cultivated, a strong partnership with the school follows. This is honoring to the Lord, transforming in its effect on lives, and ultimately enhances the school’s ability to fulfill its mission.
High-touch communication is essential to developing healthy partnerships with school parents. While we cannot always control how others communicate with us, we can control how we respond — addressing the issues at hand while doing our part to foster positive relationships going forward.
Technology has its place, but it must be kept in its place. More often than not, overreliance on high-tech communication diminishes its effectiveness and impedes the school-to-home partnership. Here are seven specific strategies for developing high-touch communication that, if applied consistently, will go a long way toward fostering an enduring and healthy partnership with parents.
1. Initiate Positive Communication
People love to be cared for, celebrated, and appreciated. Make a practice of calling parents when their child has been injured, to see how the child is doing. Send a letter of congratulations on school letterhead to a student — copying the parents — celebrating academic, athletic, or artistic achievement or a notable act of character. Send a handwritten note or card to a student or parent facing illness, or to thank them for their assistance or act of kindness. In short, take time to personally communicate a word of concern, congratulation, or celebration.
2. Guard the Tongue
The greatest source of tension often arises from gossip. I have found school staff quick to condemn gossip among parents while engaging in gossip about those same parents — and I have been guilty of the same. Gossip at any level is corrosive to a school’s culture and relationships, and it is a sin thoroughly and consistently condemned in Scripture.
Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends (Proverbs 17:9).
We have little control over parent gossip, but we can and must govern gossip and other forms of verbal sin among school staff — beginning with ourselves. Moreover, when we think in terms of “parents” as a category rather than as George or Georgia, we dehumanize people. They become the vague “other,” and it is always easier to condemn the other than the neighbor. Guard your tongue and insist that all school staff do the same. This is right in itself, and it creates a positive school culture while forging partnership rather than an adversarial atmosphere.
3. Seek to Understand
We are not naturally good listeners. Because the mind works faster than the tongue, it is easy to be composing our next response — usually in defense of ourselves or the school — rather than actively listening to understand a parent’s feelings and perspective. James says, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” Stephen Covey put it this way: “Seek first to understand and then to be understood.” Good listening demonstrates love and respect for the person speaking, fosters empathy and understanding, and leads to better decisions.
4. Take Action
Take good notes, follow up the conversation with further investigation, and then act. When no action is taken to address their concerns, parents feel unheard. Once a decision has been made and action taken, circle back to let the parents know what has been or will be done. Do not leave them in the dark. Most parents will feel respected and heard if they are kept informed of the outcome — even if it is not what they had hoped for.
5. Keep the Baby; Find the Truth
When confronted by an angry or unreasonable parent, it is tempting to dismiss the concern because of the way it is being delivered. That is a mistake.
We must not throw out the proverbial baby with the bathwater. However inappropriately or poorly the message is being delivered, there is almost always an element of truth in what is being communicated. Find that truth, acknowledge it, and address it.
6. Admit and Apologize
It is tempting to become defensive of the school or of ourselves when criticized or confronted. Defensiveness, however, only exacerbates the problem and is almost never as concealed as we think. If you or someone else has made a mistake or behaved poorly — admit it, apologize, seek forgiveness, and correct it. There is everything to be gained and nothing to be lost, except our pride.
7. Get Off the Email Treadmill; Seek Face-to-Face Communication
Back-and-forth emails resulting in long threads are exhausting, time-consuming, and detrimental to relationships when dealing with sensitive matters. Face-to-face meetings or phone calls are far more humanizing and effective. I am convinced that we rely on email in part to avoid difficult person-to-person conversations.
This is a mistake. When you receive an email from a parent expressing a serious concern, pick up the phone, acknowledge the email, and request a face-to-face meeting.
Oswald Chambers was known for his ability to form close bonds even with those who had little use for religion. The principle behind his approach remains instructive: at the most fundamental level, we must show kindness to everyone. Kindness is right in itself, but in showing it we may also gain a hearing for our convictions. Face-to-face, constructive engagement takes more time, energy, and perhaps courage — but it is far more effective.
This is not to say that email is always the wrong tool — it is not. But when using email to address a sensitive matter, consider the following:
Pause and pray before drafting. Ask the Lord for empathy and wisdom before you begin to write. Remember that “a soft answer turns away wrath” and “the anger of man does not accomplish the righteousness of God.” Write a warm, caring email.
After drafting, let it sit in the drafts folder for several hours. Return to it when you are less emotional — you will revise it more often than not.
Ask someone you trust to read your draft for tone. It is surprising how often another person will identify a phrase that reads more harshly or curtly than intended, or that conveys an unintended meaning.
Keep it concise. Most emails are read on mobile devices and are therefore skimmed. Short, focused emails are more likely to be read and understood. Write every email as though it could be shared publicly — compose it accordingly.
Placing a premium on personal engagement with parents for the purpose of building relationships is the single most effective way to foster powerful partnerships between school and home. Relationships are at the heart of any effective organization, and good communication is the most important means of cultivating them. Do not allow electronic devices to short-circuit those relationships.