You're Fired! I Quit! How to Avoid Horror Stories in Board and Administrator Relationships

Dr. Barrett Mosbacker

25 Mar 2026 — 16 min read

By Dr. Barrett Mosbacker

January 11, 2010

I do not like horror films. I find nothing redeeming about them and I do not like leaving a movie theater feeling worse for the experience. Therefore, I do not watch horror films.

But there is no escape — the horror stories still manage to find me. I frequently receive calls and emails from frustrated board members, administrators, and pastors concerning alleged bad governance and inappropriate interference by the school board, or the alleged ineptness of the school’s administrator. I have heard some pretty horrible stories and I have seen some pretty bloody outcomes.

Of all the challenges facing Christian schools, tense relationships between the school board and administrators rank in the top five. Why is this the case, and more importantly, how do we turn these horror stories into love stories?

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another (John 13:34–35).

There is very little I like about growing older and “more experienced.” The one redeeming blessing is that, by God’s grace, one gains perspective and at least a modicum of wisdom with age. With the prayer that the Lord might grant a bit of wisdom in the writing of this short article about fostering effective and positive relationships between the school board and chief administrator, I will share a few insights I have gleaned through God’s Word, careful observation, and personal experience.

To Administrators

I am a school administrator, so one could naturally assume that I would tend to side with administrators when dealing with poor school board relationships. Although there is plenty of blame to go around, I begin with administrators because frequently it is the failures of administrators that precipitate problems with school boards. Not always — sometimes administrators are the victims of boards — but too often administrators create unnecessary problems for themselves, for the board, and for the school.

Rather than writing a lengthy narrative, I will provide a simple, but I trust not simplistic, list of dos and don’ts that the reader can contextualize for his or her situation.

Dos

Nurture your spiritual growth

Do so in a manner that increasingly manifests the Fruit of the Spirit in all of your relationships, including those with your board.

I am not starting here in an attempt to “be spiritual” or “politically correct” for my Christian readers. I start with the Fruit of the Spirit because it is foundational to fostering a godly perspective and godly responses. Carefully study each of the fruit listed below: to what extent do you consistently demonstrate this fruit in every interaction with school board members?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another (Galatians 5:22–26).

Pray for board members who mistreat you

And I do not mean imprecatory prayers.

Board members are usually not your enemy, but even if they prove to be, pray for them, remembering that the “Lord turns the king’s heart like the rivers of water.” I did not write pray for your situation or for yourself; I wrote pray for the board member who is treating you like an enemy. Pray for him or her. Pray that God will bless them, will grant them wisdom, and that they will manifest the Fruit of the Spirit. I find it difficult to remain angry or bitter against those for whom I am actively praying.

But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either (Luke 6:27–29).

Listen and invite

One of the first things I do each year is take each new board member to lunch. My purpose is not to share my vision, my concerns, or my agenda. My purpose is not to “sell.” My purpose is to invite the board member to share his or her vision for the school and any concerns he or she may have. I am there to listen and to learn. Inevitably I have an opportunity to share my perspective, but my primary motive is to listen carefully and learn from the new board member, for the Scriptures teach that we are to be “quick to hear and slow to speak” (James 1:19) and that “there is wisdom in many counselors” (Proverbs 24:6).

To stimulate fruitful discussion I typically ask several questions:

How long have you been interested in serving on the school board?
What do you see as the primary strengths of the school?
What do you see as the primary weaknesses of the school?
What are one or two things you would most like to see done to enhance the school’s program and ministry over the next three years?
What can I or my staff do to assist you as a school board member?
Do you have a particular concern that I can address?
Is there anything else you would like to share with me?

Integrate the board’s vision and concerns into your planning

Although it is the administrator’s primary responsibility to chart the long-term course for the school’s development, planning should always incorporate input from board members. The perspective of the board as a whole should be enthusiastically integrated into any plans whenever appropriate and feasible. There should be a bias that says, “We can do that!” School administrators are never to operate as “lone rangers” with the idea that they are to lead and the board is to follow. Yes, the administrator bears primary responsibility to lead, but effective leaders will honor the board by honoring the vision, desires, and concerns expressed by board members whenever possible.

Under promise, over deliver

Have you ever had the experience of arriving at a new restaurant with high expectations only to be disappointed in the food or service? It is very unlikely that you will return. On the other hand, if you arrive with no particular expectation and discover that the food is wonderful and the service outstanding, you are likely to do two things: tell your friends about this wonderful new restaurant, and return for another meal.

The principle is simple: when modest expectations are exceeded, we are pleased. When expectations are not met, we are disappointed, frustrated, perhaps even angry. The same principle applies to the expectations of our parents, employees, and board members. It is far better to under promise and over deliver than to disappoint.

In our zeal to placate, to impress, to sell, or to demonstrate competence, it is tempting to make promises or commitments to board members, employees, or parents that we cannot keep. If we over promise, we will disappoint. Disappointment leads to lost credibility, diminished trust, and the erosion of goodwill. It is far better to be conservative in one’s commitments and then to exceed those expectations.

Provide energetic, visionary, positive leadership

Be passionate. I am not referring to personal charisma or the manner of a used car salesman. Sustainable excitement arises from casting an achievable vision for the future of the school — one consistent with the under promise/over deliver principle. The administrator should make a priority of articulating exciting new initiatives designed to enhance and expand the school’s programs, remaining future-oriented while simultaneously managing real day-to-day issues.

Providing such a vision requires that the administrator work hard at being creative — practicing, to use a worn cliché, “thinking outside the box.” Board members want to know that the administrator is actively planning for a future in which the school is stronger, more vibrant, and of increasing impact on students and the surrounding community.

Board members are not encouraged when the administrator focuses on problems and administrative minutiae. Good boards want future-oriented administrators who are moving the school forward.

Do your job

No excuses — the buck stops with you. Although board members can overstep by attempting to deal with issues that properly fall under the administrator’s purview, most do so out of ignorance and the best of intentions. More often than not, board members begin to micro-manage the affairs of the school when they are losing or have lost confidence in the administrator. This is not always the reason — sometimes board members have inappropriate and self-centered agendas, which I address in the section for board members below — but I believe this is the exception rather than the rule.

Most board members do not want the administrator’s job. In fact, most would give a sigh of relief if they believed they no longer had to worry about how the school was being led. It is the administrator’s responsibility to lead so competently that the board never has to concern itself with managerial matters. This is only possible when they have learned that their administrator will properly handle any issue that arises and is providing competent, visionary, proactive, and positive leadership.

Recruit and vet potential board members

Although the school’s bylaws determine how the nomination and election of board members is handled, it is the administrator’s responsibility, along with other board members, to encourage potential board members to prayerfully consider serving. Potential board members should reflect these qualities:

Demonstrated Christian maturity in all of their relationships
Consistent reflection of the Fruit of the Spirit in their lives and relationships
A solid, if not comprehensive, understanding of Christian education
Current enrollment of their children in the school, or, if their children are older, prior enrollment
Appropriate behavior in their dealings with teachers, school staff, and other parents — they have followed the Matthew 18 principle
Absence of personal agendas; they are not interested in serving in order to “change this or that” but are kingdom-focused and love the school ministry
Integrity; they do what they say, they do not gossip or backbite
Breadth of vision; they are focused on matters of importance to the school and to Christian education, not on relatively minor concerns
Trustworthiness; they will not share confidential matters with others, including a spouse
Demonstrated Christian service and leadership in other venues, such as serving as a deacon or elder, teaching Sunday School, participating in a missions trip, or serving on a committee

Do unto board members as you would have them do unto you

This is simple and self-explanatory: do not say anything about or do anything to individual board members or the board that you would not want them to say about or do to you. More positively, be intentional in supporting and encouraging the board, and in promoting the reputation of each board member and the board as a whole.

Don’ts

Do not paint an inaccurate, rosy picture

Every leader wants to convey to his or her superiors that everything is going well and that he or she is competent. We always want to put the best face forward. Consequently, the natural temptation is to report good news and ignore or minimize the bad when reporting to the board. Although this is a natural and understandable temptation, it is both wrong and unwise. The truth will surface; the bad news will become evident. You owe it to the board to tell them the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

If enrollments are likely to decline, tell the board sooner rather than later. If you made a bad hire, admit it, explain how you are going to address the issue, and then fix it. If you made a mistake in handling a disciplinary or personnel matter, be the first to tell the board. The board should never hear bad news from others that they have not first heard from you.

This does not mean that you share every detail of every issue with the board. They neither need nor desire that level of detail. In fact, your job is to shield them from small matters. However, if a matter is consequential and likely to eventually warrant the board’s attention, you owe it to them to inform them up front.

Do not surprise the board

If you believe a matter that would not normally go to the board will nevertheless affect them — or the church pastors, if your school is a church ministry — alert the appropriate board members and pastors immediately. Normally it is the administrator’s responsibility to discipline students or terminate employees. These matters fall under the administrator’s jurisdiction, not the school board’s. Nevertheless, if you have reason to believe a situation will come to the attention of board members or pastors and may cause them concern or place them in an awkward position, call them immediately. Do not put board members and pastors in the unfair position of being confronted in the parking lot by a disgruntled parent or employee about an issue of which they know nothing.

You will need to use judgment as to what situations should be brought proactively to the attention of board members and/or pastors. Here are a couple of real-life examples to illustrate how I tend to address difficult situations.

Significant Student Disciplinary Matter

If a disciplinary matter is severe — for example, a multiple-day suspension or expulsion — I will typically call the board chair and inform him or her of the disciplinary decision and the reasons behind it. I will then ask whether the chair has any questions or suggestions on how to handle the situation better. Typically the board member expresses appreciation for being alerted and concurs with the decision. In some instances, the board chair has provided very helpful suggestions. There are several positive results of taking this approach:

The administrator gains wisdom and insight from the board chair.
Trust is reinforced — the board chair and the full board know that the administrator seeks to honor them by avoiding unpleasant surprises.
Should a parent confront the chairman or another board member, he or she is able to say in effect: “Yes, the superintendent consulted me about that. Decisions of this nature fall under his jurisdiction. We support his decision.”

Terminating an Employee

The board should not be surprised by the termination of employees. While it is the administrator’s responsibility to make hiring and dismissal decisions, the wise administrator will alert the board well in advance of potential dismissals. My general approach is to highlight any personnel concerns in my monthly report to the board, including the reasons for my concerns, the steps I am taking to address them, and the potential for terminating or not renewing the employee. Such forthrightness has the advantage of inviting the wise counsel of the board, avoiding surprises, and fostering trust and support.

If a situation arises suddenly requiring an immediate response, I call the board chair — and appropriate pastors if the matter may concern the church, for example, if the employee has deep connections with the congregation — to alert him or her. Depending upon the situation, we may decide to convene the Executive Committee of the board to pray and discuss the matter in greater detail.

Here is a concrete example. I once had a situation in which an employee’s conduct justified termination. The employee had long-standing and deep connections with both the school and the church. Rather than handling the matter in isolation, I proactively called a meeting of the Executive Committee of the board and the appropriate church pastors. I reviewed the entire situation honestly and objectively, outlined my intended course of action, and solicited their prayers and godly counsel. I then proceeded based on the advice I had received.

Sure enough, the spouse of the employee made an appointment with one of the pastors and asked, “Did you know about this?” To the spouse’s surprise, the pastor was able to say, “Yes, I am aware of the situation. The superintendent met with us to inform us.”

The result? Trust and confidence were maintained with the board, the positive relationship between the school ministry and the church was reinforced, godly counsel was sought and received, a very hard decision was made with minimal fallout because key leadership had been informed, and our students and staff ultimately benefited.

Do not mischaracterize or minimize a parent’s concerns

Although board members should never entertain the concerns of individual parents without going through the administrator, it happens. If asked by a board member about a parent’s concern, the temptation is to put the best spin on the situation, usually by downplaying its legitimacy. Doing so is dishonest and unfair both to the parent and to the school board.

To avoid the problem, I ask the parent to put his or her concern in a letter to the board for me to bring to the upcoming board meeting. The parent’s written letter reduces the likelihood that I will misinterpret or misrepresent the concern. During the meeting I ask the board to read the letter, I provide my perspective, answer any questions, and solicit their advice. A decision is made and I communicate it to the parent.

Obviously, parents will sometimes go directly to a board member with a concern. Board members should always refer the parent back to the administrator for a response. I address this matter in the section to board members below.

Do not sweat the small stuff

Although attention to detail is important, do not occupy the board’s valuable time with relatively minor matters. Stay focused on the larger picture: school development and growth, long-range planning, major new policies, school finance, curriculum development, and staff training.

Do not die on the wrong hill

Some matters are worth fighting for, or even being dismissed over. Most matters do not rise to this level. Choose your battles carefully. Is it really worth creating ill will and conflict with the board over the school calendar, the dress code, the bylaws, or some other relatively minor issue? Probably not. I, for one, am going to be very careful about where I plant my flag.

Do not be defensive

As a rule, I have found that the more competent, self-assured, and humble the administrator — and no, that is not a contradiction — the less defensive he or she tends to be. If confronted by a board member with a concern or even an accusation, listen. Do not immediately jump to justifying yourself or the situation. Ask questions. Seek to understand. One of my favorite observations from Stephen Covey is, “Seek first to understand and then to be understood.” Be honest. If you made a mistake, admit it, fix it, do not repeat it, and move on. If the board member is mistaken, provide accurate information in a godly, calm, and professional manner. Do not become emotional, and always maintain the high moral ground regardless of how the board member or board is responding. Stick to the facts and only the facts. Do not assign motives to others. Do not editorialize. Do not react — respond.

Do not throw the bylaws in their face

It is not wise to confront the board with the bylaws, even if the board is violating them. Bylaws are important and should be followed. However, I do not believe it is the administrator’s responsibility to enforce the bylaws — that is the board’s responsibility. What if they are in violation? I recommend setting up a lunch meeting to discuss your concerns with the board chair and leaving it at that. In most instances the violations are relatively insignificant in the larger scheme of things. Ultimately, adherence to the bylaws is not the key to healthy administrative-board relationships, nor to the health of the school.

What if the violations are of such a nature that they materially compromise the integrity of the board or your own integrity? If the board is conducting business in a manner that is illegal, immoral, unethical, or in clear violation of the Scriptures, and if the behavior is not being addressed by the board chair or church leadership, you may have to resign. I caution, however, that you should carefully consider the nature of the violations. Are they substantive? Do they matter in the larger scheme of things? If the answer is no, address the concern with the board chair and then let it go. If, on the other hand, the violations are substantial and threaten the health of the school, the church if applicable, or the testimony of the Gospel, and if there is no evidence that the board will correct the problem, you may need to resign.

Do not speak negatively about the board or board members

Unless you are properly dealing with a Matthew 18 matter with the appropriate individuals, you should never speak negatively about the board, individual members, or board decisions — period. You should never go home and criticize board members or board decisions to a spouse. You should never express disappointment, disagreement, or any negative sentiment about a board member, the board, or board decisions to anyone at school. When you leave the board meeting, it is your responsibility to support and implement board decisions to the best of your ability.

If you cannot in good conscience publicly support the board’s decision, and the matter is of a substantive theological, moral, or legal nature, and you have exhausted appropriate steps to address it, you may need to prayerfully consider moving on.

Do not say “they” — say “we”

Similarly, unless the matter is of a substantive theological, moral, or legal nature that you cannot in good conscience support — as distinct from a personal or professional preference — use the plural “we decided” when communicating board decisions and actions to parents and employees, even if you disagree with the decision. If you say, “The board decided…,” you imply disagreement, perhaps in an effort to retain the goodwill of those with whom you are speaking, and thereby foster division.

You may ask, “Is that not dishonest?” No. You are an ex officio member — or should be — of the board. This means you own the decision; it is “our decision,” not “their decision.” Do not play “good cop, bad cop.” In a board meeting you should vigorously and respectfully share your perspective, and even your disagreement. Once a decision has been made and you leave the board meeting, it becomes “our decision.”

To Board Members

If you have cycled through several administrators in a relatively short period of time, if the school continues to struggle after several years of operation, or if there has been a persistent history of tension or conflict with the head of school — the problem probably lies with the board. Take a moment to reflect prayerfully and candidly on the following list of typical mistakes. Are any of these true of your own actions? Has the board made, or is it currently making, any of these errors? If so, sustained and intentional action is needed to correct the problem.

Typical mistakes boards make:

Failing to recruit and retain a competent administrator
Failing to disclose — being dishonest about — the true status of school operations to a prospective administrator during the interviewing process
Failing to compensate the administrator properly
Treating the administrator in an unbiblical manner
Developing policies that make it difficult for the administrator to keep the school on a financially and academically sustainable course — for example, setting tuition rates too low to support excellence, or failing to capitalize school operations adequately
Failing to follow school policy and the bylaws consistently
Making decisions based on personal preferences or agendas
Interfering with administrative affairs and encroaching upon the prerogatives of the administrator
Attempting to micro-manage the administrator or school operations
Spending too much time on relatively minor matters such as dress codes, uniforms, or the school calendar
Electing board members on the basis of friendship or to gain allies for a personal agenda, rather than on the basis of spiritual maturity, expertise, and demonstrated support for the school and Christian education
Permitting board members to have their children enrolled in other schools
Giving an ear to complaining parents or employees rather than directing them back to the administrator
Surprising the administrator with a difficult matter during a board meeting
Gossiping about or backstabbing the administrator
Overturning decisions made by the administrator unless the decision was immoral, unbiblical, illegal, unethical, or threatening to the stability and sustainability of the school
Failing to pray for and encourage the administrator
Failing to support the administrator when support is needed
Neglecting board member training
Failing to support difficult and sometimes controversial decisions — for example, the expulsion of a student, holding parents accountable for tuition, or the termination of an employee regardless of his or her school or church connections
Failing to hold individual board members accountable for their conduct, such as not fulfilling responsibilities or fostering division
Focusing on the short term rather than on long-term plans and programs

As I stated above concerning administrators, the board has a biblical obligation to do unto the administrator as it would have the administrator do unto the board. This is simple and self-explanatory: do not say anything about or do anything to the administrator that you would not want said about or done to you if the positions were reversed. More positively, be intentional in supporting and encouraging the administrator and in promoting his or her leadership, welfare, and reputation.